Lacin up my shoes

I feel like I should post today..its been a while...and unfortunately, I can't just leave my sweet little husbands wonderful accolades up forever. Though, it would be nice :-)

Currently, my head is so full of snot that I can barely think and my little family has been sick with a yucky cold virus so rest has not been abundant in my house. This will be a pretty brainless running post. I really REALLY wanted to do a post on some of the awesome things God is teaching me--but He deserves WAY more than part of my brain this morning.

SO...here goes.

Yes--I am still running even though I haven't talked about it in months. I'm still running about 40 miles a week--which includes a long run of about 12 miles and a 7 mile tempo run. Right now, dad and I are just "maintence running". Meaning, we aren't really picking up strength and distance training just yet. My next big race is October 31st--the Marine Corps Marathon. I'm hoping to qualify for Boston and am really looking forward to training hard and pushing myself. I miss hill workouts and speed work at the track. I am certain I'll be singing a different tune when June rolls around :-) Dad is so good--once I had Adalei, I was ready to jump right in and start hill work. Dad reminded me that I needed my fitness to peak on October 31st not June 1st. Minor details....minor details. Sometimes I remind myself of a bull in the pin just before the gate goes up at the rodeo.

What's even better...I am SERIOUSLY considering becoming a certified running coach and that excites the tar out of me. It would be a great way to make a little extra money AND be doing something that I love and get really excited about. Neil says he is going to force me to take the class and become certified--I guess he knows that there are a few--well founded in my opinion--reasons why I would back out (money for the class and two full days away from my sweet family and in a class room). So we'll see. I secretly think he wants me to take the class so that he can go to Birmingham with me and visit David Platt's church. I'm just saying.

So...the summer will be interesting. What will be SUPER interesting is how I keep up Adalei's milk supply while running my rear off. Bring on the chocolate milk and peanut butter sandwiches!

Okay--I'm off to blow my nose--or drill a hole in my head. I can't figure out which one would cause the least amount of pain at this point :-)

I Thank Him for You...

A mommy two times over....words can not come close to describing how wonderful you are.

You give all that you have for two little girls (and one quirky little me). And when you are empty, you somehow give more. Everything that you do is under-appreciated because we can not grasp the beautiful gift that you give to us day in and day out. You serve others. You sacrifice self for others. I know that somedays are easier than others, but it wouldn't be love if it was an easy sacrifice. This family functions because of that kind of love.

I thank God for placing me into your life.

I thank Him for giving us our girls.

I thank Him for giving them a mommy with a heart after His only Son.

Always, forever and more,

me

Mysterious Lady

She is still a little mystery to me...even though I know parts of her so intimately...there are times I look at her with wonder. She's only 5 months old and she has my heart wrapped firmly in her little hands. I love the way she laughs. I love that she laughs ALL the time. And, I am not kidding. When I look at her and smile, she laughs. When I talk to her, she laughs. When she's all alone in her room, she laughs. She is content to be alone, but LOVES to be talked to and snuggled. She lays her little head on my shoulder when I'm holding her. She smiles when I kiss her and rub my nose on her cheeks. She leans into me when I kiss her neck. She is as sweet as maple syrup and I am completely smitten.

I love that she quietly lets her big sister get most of the attention. In fact, she "talks" the most when her big sister is not around. I love that she patiently allows Layla to "make her fancy" with little hats and wands. I think its sweet that when Layla cries, Adalei cries...and really, that's the only time that sweet little thing cries. She also cries when she wakes up in a strange place and can't see mommy...which makes me feel pretty important :-)

BUT she's growing so fast...seems like she's growing even faster than Layla did. She already has two teeth. YIKES...and she's sitting up and rolling over from front to back and back to front. She normally is a great sleeper...only waking up once at night. BUT now that she's learning new tricks, she is waking herself up rolling around in her crib (and then gets a little mad that she's uncomfortable). She just started on some real food and loves it. She's even holding her own spoon AND has gotten it safely in her mouth twice. Most of the time she misses...but those times she has gotten it right, she just beams with excitement. I had planned on holding her off on cereal until she was 6 months old, but she kept reaching for my food at the dinner table and showing a real interest in eating. She's still only eating a few teaspoons....I guess its mostly just for practice :-) Oh yeah...and iron. Obviously (see video below) she isn't hurting for nutrition.

Sweet little Addie Bells...what a personality you have already....I can't wait to see how it takes shape.

Let's talk Oreos

It is official. Layla has now crossed into an age for which I have been anxiously awaiting. She is a walking chatter box (we all knew that) BUT she is starting to talk to random people and shares some pretty interesting things with them. Anytime she starts a sentence with, "mommy told me" or "my mommy said" or "daddy says" I feel my heart skip a beat. I am waiting for something embarrassing to slip out. But so far, so good.

ANYWAY...thought I'd share some of her latest and greatest....

(1) I had to run into CVS the other day...Adalei had gone FOUR days without pooping (thanks to a small tiny bite of banana) and Layla and I were hunting for a remedy to help her ailing sister. Layla (per her normal self dressing routine) was wearing her white patent leather dress shoes, winter socks with brown owls on them, one rainbow leg-warmer, a purple tutu, pajama top, princess tiara, headband with GIGANTIC purple flower attached, two necklaces, one glitter microphone and a wand. Yes. They looked at me funny. But not as funny as when my sweet little three year old noticed the nice wall of colorfully decorated condom boxes and blurted out, "hey mommy...remember that time that I played with those". Unfortunately my first response was, "huh"....which meant she repeated herself even louder. I never realized how (1) quiet a CVS was and (2) how much condom boxes looked like the band aid boxes she plays with. I told her she never played with those, she played with band aids. Those weren't band aids. She asked what they were. I told her band aids for grown ups. I think it worked.

(2) As I was getting her undressed/dressed for bed the other night...she informed me that she was being so agreeable to getting undressed because she was "getting kinda hot with all these clothes" and "probably needed to run around naked for a while so she could air out". Air out. Interesting.

(3) She has gotten really into riding in the BOB while I run. Its a workout, but we have some great conversation. She asked me other other day why I ran so much. I told her that it was important to exercise and eat well--that it is important to take care of our bodies. Kind of like brushing our teeth and bathing. This is the conversation that followed:

Layla: Well, what does daddy say about that?

Me: Well, hum. Daddy thinks it is important to eat healthy and exercise too.

Layla: Well...he does eat lots of Oreos. Aren't those not good for you mommy?

Me: They aren't REALLY bad. Just if you eat too many. They have lots of sugar in them.

Layla: Well, what does God say about exercising?

Me: God likes to see us take good care of our bodies. It is one of the ways that we glorify the Lord, and that's pretty important.

Layla: Glorify?

Me: Yeah. Like praising the Lord...making Him happy and stuff.

Layla: Oh. Can we not talk about that anymore? Lets talk about Oreos.

HA!

I love this age. I really do. Its alarming, embarrassing and HILARIOUS at the same time. She keeps me on my toes, for sure and makes me thankful that I don't have a potty mouth!

My heart is a construction zone

Warning...brutal honesty ahead....and probably some jumbled up thoughts and broken theology.

So...

You may be seeing a pattern here. Neil is leaving on Friday for a camping trip with the guys. A trip that has been planned for a while, but its still another trip--away from home. I had planned on running a half marathon this weekend in Roanoke--registered and everything. I had planned on a nice day trip with the hubby--maybe stopping at a vineyard for lunch after the race. But my plans don't really matter. Neil is going on the camping trip. I am staying home.

When the reality of this sunk in yesterday morning, I went into full on battle mode. I was disappointed, angry and hurt. And I think part of me wanted a fight...I wanted to be mad and then have the opportunity to defend myself. I wanted the right words to make Neil feel really rotten about leaving his family again. I wanted to wallow and whine. My attitude stunk up the whole house.

Thank the Lord, He interrupted my thoughts and my heart yesterday--cause ya'll...it was getting ugly fast. I was reminded that He is enough...that He meets my needs. My response, well okay God but I'm still mad. I'm still the victim here. Aren't I entitled as Neil's wife to express my opinion about him leaving...AGAIN. Aren't I entitled to be a little angry. And PS...I really need a day off. Just maybe an afternoon--I think I'm entitled to that too. Bless my heart. I better get some crazy rewards for keeping my mouth shut.

Ehhh hemmm. And that's just one mili-second inside my head yesterday. See...rotten!

It was an all day battle between the flesh and the Spirit. I didn't recognize it as such until I was reading Layla's devotion to her last night...Galatians 5:16-26--fruits of the Spirit. Gulp. Amazing how God spoke to me through my child's devotion. It was like He reached down and covered my heart with is love and mercy. And I felt peace.

I am not in charge here...I am not the one judging or convicting. Seriously...I'd like to think that my sharp words would convict Neil's heart...but that's not my job. My job is to love him....and I'm completely free to do that every minute of every day because you know what...I'm not the one who disciplines him. I was reminded that my faith is not in man but in God. The disappointment I felt in Neil was completely lifted. The Spirit and flesh cannot co-exist. My flesh felt entitled...my flesh felt jealous...my flesh wanted the satisfaction of harsh words. The Spirit...well He was fighting to keep the peace...to give me self control and patience.

Guys...if you know me at all...this was a small miracle. I hold back and try to be everything to everyone. And when I exhaust myself trying to be the rockstar wife...I bottle it up and then storm around the house angry. I become a pill. I deny myself and I sacrifice, but I want a little pat on the back...I often NEED a pat on the back (I jokingly call this the "martyr syndrome").

But something changed yesterday evening. I desperately wanted to glorify God in my response to Neil and not myself....I wanted to feed the Spirit and not my flesh (believe me...my flesh is not starving here...I feed it plenty every day). So between now and when my husband gets home on Saturday night, I am going to have to willingly give this over to God...multiple times, I'm sure. Because even as I write this....the "what about me" starts creeping in. Funny thing about really sacrificing is that you don't do it with the intent of reaping a reward...of being noticed...I'm starting to realize that I don't sacrifice for Neil. I do it for God. And really, what bragging rights do I have for my tiny little sacrifices when I compare it to the cross. There goes my sense of entitlement...

Aghhh...got a lot of work to do. My sweet Lord is working over time.

Single and working...

Single, working mothers...my hat is off to you!

Several months ago, I was contacted by an old high school classmate who expressed interest in me photographing his wedding. I felt pretty confident that I could do it...more importantly, Dad seemed confident that I could do it...so I set up a meeting with the sweet little couple. My meeting was yesterday morning.

My wonderful little husband, who would ordinarily jump at the chance to have both girls to himself, had procrastinated on a couple of jobs that needed to be complete before he took off to Kentucky yesterday afternoon, leaving me to wrangle both girls AND meet with the happy couple to talk photography. Great.

So I got both girls dressed and fed, myself dressed, all of our stuff together and off we went. I have to admit, I felt half dressed and scattered--ALREADY. There is nothing like a 3 year old who has absolutely no concept of time and a mommy who is in a hurry. I detest when I get us into those situations--because I become impatient (read *selfish*) and Layla acts out accordingly.

When we are finally in the car, I turn to Layla to apologize for our less than stellar morning and vow that the day will get better. We arrive at the bookstore with 5 minutes to spare...SWEET! I decided to just bring in a diaper and the wipes container for Adalie...you know, my hip factor decreases slightly with a huge diaper bag and I have to look hip and professional for my meeting (you know, as professional as you can with two little ones in tow). Anyway, Adalei was just waking up from a nap in her car seat...but what on Earth was that stench. I asked Layla if she smelled something...she sniffed and gagged. Yep. Poop...baby poop. Nice. Thank goodness for that extra 5 minutes. Off we go the restroom.

I unbuckle sweet little stinky Adalei and my hand slides (yes...SLIDES) into something wet and gooey. I knew it...not just a yucky diaper, but an explosive one. There is poop EVERYWHERE. Layla is gagging like crazy and I am trying to maintain composure. Adalei's change of clothes were in the diaper bag (which was in the car because mommy was too cool to carry it in)....so she'd have to be naked for a little while. Score one for mommy of the year...naked baby in Barnes and Nobel! I laid her on the table, stripped her down and got to work...only to notice I had one tiny little wipe.

Mommy: Layla, what happened to Adalie's wipes?

Layla: Oh, those wipes

Mommy: Yes (note, hint of impatience).

Layla: I needed them for my lambie, she had a yucky diaper.

Mommy: Great. Did you get lambie all cleaned up?

Layla: Yeah, she's clean.

Mommy: Sweet, now you can help mommy clean up your little sister.

Layla: Okay, but remember, I'm expensive so we don't want to mess me up.

Huh?

So every inch of my tiny little wipe was used...as was toilet paper...as was the leg of Adalei's pants that didn't have poop all over them...to get the job done. I got her changed, got the car seat cleaned out...managed to hug Layla, who was a superstar helper--an "expensive" superstar.

We met with the couple (6.5 minutes late)..me, Layla and naked little Adalei. Layla blurted out that her sister got poop all over herself so I assured the couple that I managed to save the CD that I burned for them from the explosion. I looked down and realized that I did, however, manage to NOT save my shirt. Ya'll...I had baby bottom print on my shirt in yellow poop where I picked Adalie up trying to get her back cleaned off! Okay, so am I still hip..still professional? Sure. I think so. I told myself it probably just blended in or maybe looked like pollen? Fortunately, I was there as a photographer...so I was just being an eccentric artist and could get away with stuff like that...yeah, that sounds right :-)

The meeting went great, but I left promising myself that I would NEVER ever NEVER do such a crazy thing again--at least for the next week. More importantly, I am thankful that I have that choice. So many mommies out there don't...and my hat is off to them. I can't begin to imagine the level of stress that they feel in so many different areas.

Single, working moms...thank you thank you thank you! You guys are rockstars.

Romance me

This post has been on my heart for a while....ugh...I hope I do it justice...

I admit it...I feel for the "prosperity doctrine" albeit brief--I still feel for it. Several years ago as I was interviewing for a new job, I was directed to the writing of one prominent teacher of the prosperity doctrine (I'm sure most of you know this chipper fella--but I won't mention him by name). Anyway, when I didn't get the job that I thought was the desire of my heart, I figured that I didn't trust enough...that I didn't say the right words when I was asking God for the desires of my heart. That maybe my request line to God was broken.

Um yeah...sadly mistaken and mislead was I. I threw the prosperity doctrine right out the window and was pretty much finished asking God for anything--other than those last minute hail Mary moments when I really needed help or those weeks out of the month when I was feeling extra spiritual. Sad, but true. I was a Sunday morning/couple days out of the week Christian. I was comfortable...I was worldly.

Less than a year ago, Neil and I started a morning Bible study together. In that time, my heart begin to dramatically change shape. God was calling me to him and I started to listen a little better. Over the months, I have been disciplined by a loving God--most of it doesn't feel very good--and its certainly not comfortable, but its worth it. I prayed that God shed light on my weakness so that I can trust Him more--and shed light he has. Its humbling when all your weaknesses are pulled out and you realize that you truly are but dust--incapable of NOTHING good.

During this time, I've had an intense desire to love God more than I love Neil. I depend on Neil for so much--for too much. In the past, I have depended on him for more things than he is capable of delivering. On a good week, Neil was "successful" as a husband, but on a bad week--I was hard to please. As I realized that Neil was not intended to be my shelter, my provider, my lover--that I shouldn't depend on affirmation and acceptance from him, I realized I had a LOT of work to do.

I begin searching the scriptures and begging God to show up. I found Eph 3: 14-20. It became my prayer...everyday--the desire of my heart! Not a new job, not a nicer car, not a second home--just God...just to be consumed by Him--to live under His shadow (instead of moving in front of it like I stubbornly try to do). God began working on me--sharpening me, conforming me, breaking me....and romancing me. And you know what happened, I felt a freedom with Neil...a freedom to love the heck out of him with no expectations and no real needs.

This week--I received the desire of my heart--but not as the prosperity doctrine teaches. Neil has been away for almost a week now serving God in Guinea Bissau. Have I missed him? Yeah--more than words can say. But you know what...I have felt so full, so content, so happy while he has been away. I actually get REALLY excited about talking to my Lord at night and reading my Bible. I've found the perfect companion--the lover of my soul...and I've begged Him to stay--right here--as close to me as my skin. And I'm gonna keep begging, every hour of every day.

More to come later...and hopefully I'll be able to post some exciting pictures from Neil's trip. My hubby can take some pretty amazing photographs...seriously, I haven't found a thing he ISN'T amazing at. He can even change a pretty mean diaper in a flash.