Saturday, December 19, 2009

Big Sister

Sweet little Layla...boy am I having a time with her! She is absolutely perfect with Adalei--loves her so much already. Layla constantly wants to hold her and snuggle with her...constantly!

But...something is going on with my first born baby. Not only does she look like a giant now, she's different--maybe its just me, but she seems different to me. She's more independent than before--insisting on doing everything--I mean EVERYTHING--by herself. She wants to carry her own plate to the table, throw all the trash away, wrap Christmas presents, get dressed and undressed, wash her own name it--she wants to do it...ALL BY HERSELF. As you can imagine, this comes with a lot of frustration on her part. Its almost as if she's stuck between still wanting to be a baby and being a "big girl". She's been whiny with me--wanting to rock in her rocking chair, wanting to be carried around the house, sung to sleep...etc. I am trying to be extra patient, but she's wearing me down. And I think she's acting out in order to get extra attention. She's great most of the day--until it starts getting close to nap time and bed time. Its almost as if when she starts to get tired, she loses all forms of self control. So my prayer this week has been for gentleness and understanding--and sometimes by 12:45 I am just short of falling on my knees and BEGGING for divine intervention.

So while this transition has been really pretty smooth--it still pains me to see Layla struggle even just a tiny bit. I guess its natural--and normal...but I just hate to see her like this--I hate for her to think that she has to do anything more than just "be" in order to get my attention...I hate for her to think she isn't my baby anymore...I hate for her to feel like she's in second place--even for a second. Maybe I'm taking this too serious but I couldn't help but feel that rush of emotions while I was rocking her...YES...rocking her last night. She was huge and heavy in my arms and my heart broke into a billion pieces. maybe this is post-pregnancy hormones coming into play here...or maybe I am just terrible with change. Either way...I'm ready to adjust to this new family dynamic already! Alright, so I admit it--sounds like its probably ME not Layla that's having the hard time here, huh? Nothing like reading your own thoughts on a computer screen to make you have a nice little "ah ha" moment :-) Darn those psychology classes making me over think EVERYTHING I say and do for fear of scaring my child!

Merry Christmas guys...I can't wait to post pictures and write about our holiday with a family of FOUR!


Natasha said...

That picture is priceless! Absolutely breathtaking! :)

Hang in there Lindsey - you are an excellent mom - don't ever doubt that for one minute. I will pray for you as you adjust to the blessing of a growing family.

Vonda said...

Even though there are 6 1/2 years between my kids, it was still hard on Caylin when Jake was a baby. He cried ALL THE TIME. I felt like I never spent any time with her because Jake would cry every evening for 3-5 hours non stop. So, whenever he was asleep or actually being quiet, Caylin & I would take time just for her. Sometimes it would only be enough time to cuddle & read a book, but she loved having me all to herself and looked forward to those times. It really does get easier. Praying for you & Layla.

AnniePat said...

awww, I know how you feel! I cannot tell you how many times I whispered to Carly, "Thank you for being the sweet one" and then feeling so guilty. I think all the rush of emotions and the difficult stages our big kids go through are part of God's design to make us focus on that sweet baby, whose existence and sustenance depends on MAMA alone. Don't feel bad when you think you're favoring the baby. That baby will get big and cantankerous one day too, and then she'll get her turn! ha! (I know...hard to believe right now...)

Michelle said...

I won't try to give you any advice since I don't have any kiddos yet, but it sounds like you are a wonderful mommy!

And that is the sweetest picture! So cute.

Those girls will be best friends and at times worst enemies, depending on their moods as the years go on!

Michelle said...

Merry Christmas Lindsey!

The Beaver Bunch said...

I remember watching my 22 month old Elizabeth walk into the hospital room after I had the twins and thinking, "Holy cow. Where did my baby go?"

A few nights later, I held Elizabeth and just cried because she felt so big.

Then, when Aaron came along, I held Ashlee in my arms and just sat and cried at how BIG she was as well.

I'm sure after Baby #6 makes his/her appearance I will hold Baby Girl and cry, wondering when she too got so BIG.

As for Layla adjusting, kids are super resilient. I can all but promise you that in 2 years when Adalei and Layla are playing together you will look at them, get teary eyed and wonder how they could have ever NOT been so close in age. It's so TOTALLY worth it.