Let's talk Oreos

It is official. Layla has now crossed into an age for which I have been anxiously awaiting. She is a walking chatter box (we all knew that) BUT she is starting to talk to random people and shares some pretty interesting things with them. Anytime she starts a sentence with, "mommy told me" or "my mommy said" or "daddy says" I feel my heart skip a beat. I am waiting for something embarrassing to slip out. But so far, so good.

ANYWAY...thought I'd share some of her latest and greatest....

(1) I had to run into CVS the other day...Adalei had gone FOUR days without pooping (thanks to a small tiny bite of banana) and Layla and I were hunting for a remedy to help her ailing sister. Layla (per her normal self dressing routine) was wearing her white patent leather dress shoes, winter socks with brown owls on them, one rainbow leg-warmer, a purple tutu, pajama top, princess tiara, headband with GIGANTIC purple flower attached, two necklaces, one glitter microphone and a wand. Yes. They looked at me funny. But not as funny as when my sweet little three year old noticed the nice wall of colorfully decorated condom boxes and blurted out, "hey mommy...remember that time that I played with those". Unfortunately my first response was, "huh"....which meant she repeated herself even louder. I never realized how (1) quiet a CVS was and (2) how much condom boxes looked like the band aid boxes she plays with. I told her she never played with those, she played with band aids. Those weren't band aids. She asked what they were. I told her band aids for grown ups. I think it worked.

(2) As I was getting her undressed/dressed for bed the other night...she informed me that she was being so agreeable to getting undressed because she was "getting kinda hot with all these clothes" and "probably needed to run around naked for a while so she could air out". Air out. Interesting.

(3) She has gotten really into riding in the BOB while I run. Its a workout, but we have some great conversation. She asked me other other day why I ran so much. I told her that it was important to exercise and eat well--that it is important to take care of our bodies. Kind of like brushing our teeth and bathing. This is the conversation that followed:

Layla: Well, what does daddy say about that?

Me: Well, hum. Daddy thinks it is important to eat healthy and exercise too.

Layla: Well...he does eat lots of Oreos. Aren't those not good for you mommy?

Me: They aren't REALLY bad. Just if you eat too many. They have lots of sugar in them.

Layla: Well, what does God say about exercising?

Me: God likes to see us take good care of our bodies. It is one of the ways that we glorify the Lord, and that's pretty important.

Layla: Glorify?

Me: Yeah. Like praising the Lord...making Him happy and stuff.

Layla: Oh. Can we not talk about that anymore? Lets talk about Oreos.

HA!

I love this age. I really do. Its alarming, embarrassing and HILARIOUS at the same time. She keeps me on my toes, for sure and makes me thankful that I don't have a potty mouth!

My heart is a construction zone

Warning...brutal honesty ahead....and probably some jumbled up thoughts and broken theology.

So...

You may be seeing a pattern here. Neil is leaving on Friday for a camping trip with the guys. A trip that has been planned for a while, but its still another trip--away from home. I had planned on running a half marathon this weekend in Roanoke--registered and everything. I had planned on a nice day trip with the hubby--maybe stopping at a vineyard for lunch after the race. But my plans don't really matter. Neil is going on the camping trip. I am staying home.

When the reality of this sunk in yesterday morning, I went into full on battle mode. I was disappointed, angry and hurt. And I think part of me wanted a fight...I wanted to be mad and then have the opportunity to defend myself. I wanted the right words to make Neil feel really rotten about leaving his family again. I wanted to wallow and whine. My attitude stunk up the whole house.

Thank the Lord, He interrupted my thoughts and my heart yesterday--cause ya'll...it was getting ugly fast. I was reminded that He is enough...that He meets my needs. My response, well okay God but I'm still mad. I'm still the victim here. Aren't I entitled as Neil's wife to express my opinion about him leaving...AGAIN. Aren't I entitled to be a little angry. And PS...I really need a day off. Just maybe an afternoon--I think I'm entitled to that too. Bless my heart. I better get some crazy rewards for keeping my mouth shut.

Ehhh hemmm. And that's just one mili-second inside my head yesterday. See...rotten!

It was an all day battle between the flesh and the Spirit. I didn't recognize it as such until I was reading Layla's devotion to her last night...Galatians 5:16-26--fruits of the Spirit. Gulp. Amazing how God spoke to me through my child's devotion. It was like He reached down and covered my heart with is love and mercy. And I felt peace.

I am not in charge here...I am not the one judging or convicting. Seriously...I'd like to think that my sharp words would convict Neil's heart...but that's not my job. My job is to love him....and I'm completely free to do that every minute of every day because you know what...I'm not the one who disciplines him. I was reminded that my faith is not in man but in God. The disappointment I felt in Neil was completely lifted. The Spirit and flesh cannot co-exist. My flesh felt entitled...my flesh felt jealous...my flesh wanted the satisfaction of harsh words. The Spirit...well He was fighting to keep the peace...to give me self control and patience.

Guys...if you know me at all...this was a small miracle. I hold back and try to be everything to everyone. And when I exhaust myself trying to be the rockstar wife...I bottle it up and then storm around the house angry. I become a pill. I deny myself and I sacrifice, but I want a little pat on the back...I often NEED a pat on the back (I jokingly call this the "martyr syndrome").

But something changed yesterday evening. I desperately wanted to glorify God in my response to Neil and not myself....I wanted to feed the Spirit and not my flesh (believe me...my flesh is not starving here...I feed it plenty every day). So between now and when my husband gets home on Saturday night, I am going to have to willingly give this over to God...multiple times, I'm sure. Because even as I write this....the "what about me" starts creeping in. Funny thing about really sacrificing is that you don't do it with the intent of reaping a reward...of being noticed...I'm starting to realize that I don't sacrifice for Neil. I do it for God. And really, what bragging rights do I have for my tiny little sacrifices when I compare it to the cross. There goes my sense of entitlement...

Aghhh...got a lot of work to do. My sweet Lord is working over time.

Single and working...

Single, working mothers...my hat is off to you!

Several months ago, I was contacted by an old high school classmate who expressed interest in me photographing his wedding. I felt pretty confident that I could do it...more importantly, Dad seemed confident that I could do it...so I set up a meeting with the sweet little couple. My meeting was yesterday morning.

My wonderful little husband, who would ordinarily jump at the chance to have both girls to himself, had procrastinated on a couple of jobs that needed to be complete before he took off to Kentucky yesterday afternoon, leaving me to wrangle both girls AND meet with the happy couple to talk photography. Great.

So I got both girls dressed and fed, myself dressed, all of our stuff together and off we went. I have to admit, I felt half dressed and scattered--ALREADY. There is nothing like a 3 year old who has absolutely no concept of time and a mommy who is in a hurry. I detest when I get us into those situations--because I become impatient (read *selfish*) and Layla acts out accordingly.

When we are finally in the car, I turn to Layla to apologize for our less than stellar morning and vow that the day will get better. We arrive at the bookstore with 5 minutes to spare...SWEET! I decided to just bring in a diaper and the wipes container for Adalie...you know, my hip factor decreases slightly with a huge diaper bag and I have to look hip and professional for my meeting (you know, as professional as you can with two little ones in tow). Anyway, Adalei was just waking up from a nap in her car seat...but what on Earth was that stench. I asked Layla if she smelled something...she sniffed and gagged. Yep. Poop...baby poop. Nice. Thank goodness for that extra 5 minutes. Off we go the restroom.

I unbuckle sweet little stinky Adalei and my hand slides (yes...SLIDES) into something wet and gooey. I knew it...not just a yucky diaper, but an explosive one. There is poop EVERYWHERE. Layla is gagging like crazy and I am trying to maintain composure. Adalei's change of clothes were in the diaper bag (which was in the car because mommy was too cool to carry it in)....so she'd have to be naked for a little while. Score one for mommy of the year...naked baby in Barnes and Nobel! I laid her on the table, stripped her down and got to work...only to notice I had one tiny little wipe.

Mommy: Layla, what happened to Adalie's wipes?

Layla: Oh, those wipes

Mommy: Yes (note, hint of impatience).

Layla: I needed them for my lambie, she had a yucky diaper.

Mommy: Great. Did you get lambie all cleaned up?

Layla: Yeah, she's clean.

Mommy: Sweet, now you can help mommy clean up your little sister.

Layla: Okay, but remember, I'm expensive so we don't want to mess me up.

Huh?

So every inch of my tiny little wipe was used...as was toilet paper...as was the leg of Adalei's pants that didn't have poop all over them...to get the job done. I got her changed, got the car seat cleaned out...managed to hug Layla, who was a superstar helper--an "expensive" superstar.

We met with the couple (6.5 minutes late)..me, Layla and naked little Adalei. Layla blurted out that her sister got poop all over herself so I assured the couple that I managed to save the CD that I burned for them from the explosion. I looked down and realized that I did, however, manage to NOT save my shirt. Ya'll...I had baby bottom print on my shirt in yellow poop where I picked Adalie up trying to get her back cleaned off! Okay, so am I still hip..still professional? Sure. I think so. I told myself it probably just blended in or maybe looked like pollen? Fortunately, I was there as a photographer...so I was just being an eccentric artist and could get away with stuff like that...yeah, that sounds right :-)

The meeting went great, but I left promising myself that I would NEVER ever NEVER do such a crazy thing again--at least for the next week. More importantly, I am thankful that I have that choice. So many mommies out there don't...and my hat is off to them. I can't begin to imagine the level of stress that they feel in so many different areas.

Single, working moms...thank you thank you thank you! You guys are rockstars.

Romance me

This post has been on my heart for a while....ugh...I hope I do it justice...

I admit it...I feel for the "prosperity doctrine" albeit brief--I still feel for it. Several years ago as I was interviewing for a new job, I was directed to the writing of one prominent teacher of the prosperity doctrine (I'm sure most of you know this chipper fella--but I won't mention him by name). Anyway, when I didn't get the job that I thought was the desire of my heart, I figured that I didn't trust enough...that I didn't say the right words when I was asking God for the desires of my heart. That maybe my request line to God was broken.

Um yeah...sadly mistaken and mislead was I. I threw the prosperity doctrine right out the window and was pretty much finished asking God for anything--other than those last minute hail Mary moments when I really needed help or those weeks out of the month when I was feeling extra spiritual. Sad, but true. I was a Sunday morning/couple days out of the week Christian. I was comfortable...I was worldly.

Less than a year ago, Neil and I started a morning Bible study together. In that time, my heart begin to dramatically change shape. God was calling me to him and I started to listen a little better. Over the months, I have been disciplined by a loving God--most of it doesn't feel very good--and its certainly not comfortable, but its worth it. I prayed that God shed light on my weakness so that I can trust Him more--and shed light he has. Its humbling when all your weaknesses are pulled out and you realize that you truly are but dust--incapable of NOTHING good.

During this time, I've had an intense desire to love God more than I love Neil. I depend on Neil for so much--for too much. In the past, I have depended on him for more things than he is capable of delivering. On a good week, Neil was "successful" as a husband, but on a bad week--I was hard to please. As I realized that Neil was not intended to be my shelter, my provider, my lover--that I shouldn't depend on affirmation and acceptance from him, I realized I had a LOT of work to do.

I begin searching the scriptures and begging God to show up. I found Eph 3: 14-20. It became my prayer...everyday--the desire of my heart! Not a new job, not a nicer car, not a second home--just God...just to be consumed by Him--to live under His shadow (instead of moving in front of it like I stubbornly try to do). God began working on me--sharpening me, conforming me, breaking me....and romancing me. And you know what happened, I felt a freedom with Neil...a freedom to love the heck out of him with no expectations and no real needs.

This week--I received the desire of my heart--but not as the prosperity doctrine teaches. Neil has been away for almost a week now serving God in Guinea Bissau. Have I missed him? Yeah--more than words can say. But you know what...I have felt so full, so content, so happy while he has been away. I actually get REALLY excited about talking to my Lord at night and reading my Bible. I've found the perfect companion--the lover of my soul...and I've begged Him to stay--right here--as close to me as my skin. And I'm gonna keep begging, every hour of every day.

More to come later...and hopefully I'll be able to post some exciting pictures from Neil's trip. My hubby can take some pretty amazing photographs...seriously, I haven't found a thing he ISN'T amazing at. He can even change a pretty mean diaper in a flash.

The most vibrant red

This is way to good to pass up.

If you know my little red head...you know her as the dramatic type. When she is sick...there is no mistaking it. When she is happy...you know it. When she is uncomfortable...you know it. She has a flair for fashion and a very vibrant personality. I joke that if our family was a box of crayons, she'd be the brightest red crayon in the box. She is Layla and I don't think God made another like her and WOW how I love that little thing!

Events unfolded today that have made it one of the most memorable mom days yet...

My hubby is leaving for Africa on Thursday, so me and the girls took a trip to Wal-Mart for his last minute care package stuff--you know, the essentials (peanut butter, granola bars, dried fruit and nuts, Gatorade powder, malaria medication). While we were walking through the store, I heard one of Layla's dramatic gasps and knew she must have spotted a baby doll or stuffed animal that she was in love with. I was partially right...she found a baby doll...a pretty pink one BUT she wanted to buy it and send it with daddy. I told her daddy probably wouldn't need a baby to sleep with to which she quickly responded that it was not for daddy but for a little girl in Africa who didn't have a baby doll. We also bought gummy snacks to send...because every little girl needs gummy snacks, right? I was instantly blown away by how sweet and unselfish she was--right there in the middle of the baby doll aisle!

So we get home...fast forward to nap time. I get her snuggled in and walk out of the room--only to hear her screaming minutes later. I walk in to deliver her tissue that I forgot to leave for her (since becoming sick with that cold WEEKS ago, she now has to have a tissue every time she goes to bed). I walked out of the room and turned around to say "nite nite" when I saw her leaning on her railing--you know..the kind that is supposed to keep your toddler IN the bed. I started to tell her not to lean on it...it would break--for the 50th time--when I heard a pop, and saw her fall--face first--to the ground.

DRAMA....she wailed. I picked her up and asked her what hurt. Her lip. It was "broken"....so I asked her to move it, wiggle it and smile. She did all of those with the most pained look on her face. I told her the good news was that she could move it...so it was probably just a really bad sprain. She told me that she'd probably still need crutches. INTERESTING! Who knew that lip sprains required crutches. Well, now ya know! She also said she really felt like the dog in Sandlot when the fence fell on him and everyone was sad. Then she asked that I act like Smalls (the kid in the brown shirt and khakis) and be sad for her (for a replay...fast forward to 7:15).

Thankfully, I held my laugh until I shut her door. I'm still laughing. Gosh...I just have the best job in the world and I still have the WHOLE afternoon in front of me.

Modified Vaccination Schedule

Adalei had her 3 month check up this week...12 pounds and 23.5 inches, which surprisingly puts her in the 25-35th percentile...and here I was thinking she looked like a tiny little linebacker with all those adorable rolls. I thought she was going to be in the 60th percentile or something...seriously--the girl has some rolls, guys.

SO--Neil and I talked a lot about it...I did a TON of research and prayed like crazy and we decided on modified vaccination schedule. The doctors were not completely happy about it because it goes against the American Academy of Peds...but I kept repeating to myself (as Dr. Griffith tried to convince me to follow the normal schedule) "I'm the mama, I'm the mama, I'm the mama". I'm not going to lie..I almost caved. I am so NOT assertive. So NOT assertive. I try...I like to think I am, but I am not. I rarely--if ever--complain or send dishes back at restaurants. I never argue a store's return policy...I pretty much suck it up and deal with it because me and confrontation = NOT FRIENDS. Anyway...I was so worried that I'd cave, so the fact that I stood my ground with confidence was an answer to prayer.

Fortunately, Dr. Griffith looked at the schedule and gave me her blessing, well, as much as she could because she has to stick with the AAP guidelines. I think she was somewhat relieved that I didn't go for the Dr. Sears vaccination schedule :-)

So--what does the new schedule look like...

Hep B: Delay until a year before she starts school

HIB: 4 mos, 6 mos, 8 mos, 17 mos

IVP: 4 mos, 6 mos, 8 mos, 17 mos

DtaP: 5 mos, 7 mos, 9 mos, 16 mos

Prevnar: One dose @ 4 mos

Varicela: decline

MMR: 18 mos

So there it is in all its glory. Essentially what I've done is spread them out so that she is getting no more than two at a time (except for 4 mos when she'll get the Prevnar). SO, I'll be going every month--which is fine--and she won't be getting the crazy cocktails of shots so early on.

If anyone is interested in the articles and books I researched...let me know and I'll pass them on to you. There is SO much out there...so much misinformation on both sides its frustrating as a parent for sure.

NEXT post..RUNNING...as speed work has not yet commenced, I'll have no stories of wetting my pants post baby--I assure you :-)

What a day!

(though I'd like to take credit for this little beauty...dad took the picture and mom knitted the hat--pretty talented folks, huh)

Last night was crazy. Adalei was up for her normal 12:30 am feeding/diaper change. Then Layla was up at 1:15 and did not go back to sleep until 3:45--she was feeling yucky and finding all sorts of reasons NOT to sleep. Needless to say, neither did I. So when my internal alarm woke me up at 5:30 this morning, I contemplated forgoing my quiet time for some extra sleep. Thankfully, God was persistent. In fact, I was quickly reminded that given my night and the day that stood in front of me, I needed time in prayer more than sleep. I couldn't afford the extra sleep. He was right...He's always right. So I crawled out of bed--made coffee and sat down for my quiet time. As I prayed, I pleaded with God to carry me through the day--that without him I was destined to fail miserably as a mother and I knew my girls needed me. I thanked Him (for some crazy reason) for Layla's wakefulness the previous night and then time I spent mothering her. It was a pleasure (minus the sleep deprivation).

SO at 6:45 am my day got started...

It was interesting to say the least! Layla has developed quite the terrible cold/cough combo and woke up way earlier than she should have. She is definitely her daddy's daughter when it comes to being sick. She's nothing short of dramatic. I think I carried her around ALL day today because her legs were tired. Apparently there must be a link between legs and snotty noses--I think she overheard me talking to a friend about her legs being tired after a long run and noticed some sympathy in my voice.

She did not nap...neither did Adalei. Layla's coughing kept them both awake. And--they both needed sleep. I think we all did. So for two hours straight this afternoon Layla cried...then Adalei...then Layla..then Adalei. Mostly they cried at the same time and both wanted to be held. I cheerfully carried them both around...I cleaned up snot...a bloody mouth (Layla popped her mouth on the sink--adding to the drama)...explosive poop and was surprisingly calm and happy. At times I wondered if I maybe I had just lost my mind because how could someone like me...someone who does NOT deal well with messed up schedules...be so happy in chaos.

God is pretty flipping amazing, huh? On my own...I would have been horrific. I would have surely lost my cool. I would have certainly cried too...I would have more than likely lacked sympathy for my dramatic little red head. But God knew what my babies needed today and He worked through me today. I know--it's small...it was God working in the confines of my house. But--it was an amazing answer to prayer--a prayer that I have been praying for weeks...to rely completely on Him each minute of each day--specifically with my children. Because guys--truth be told--I am nothing more than a wretched mommy on my own. I thank God for His mercy and grace because I was shown an awful lot today!