Happy Birthday Layla An

She's three tomorrow! Its so hard to believe that three years ago I was DYING to meet her and starting to feel the contractions that would bring her into this world. Its even harder for me to imagine my life without her--without her contagious smile...her giggles...her sweet little hands holding mine...the trails of mess that she leaves behind. Its hard to imagine my windows without little finger prints all over them and a refrigerator without her newest masterpiece placed neatly on the door.

I still look at her and can't believe that God trusted me with such a sweet spirited little girl--one with a huge heart and an even bigger smile. She has made me forever vulnerable and

words can't begin to describe how blessed that little redhead makes me feel. Its my prayer that some day...she'll be proud and feel blessed that I'm her mommy--that she'll be called to Jesus and learn the love that only He can give. I know--big prayers--but go big or go home, right :-)

Happy Birthday sweet Layla An...you are indeed--fearfully and wonderfully made--a perfect little you!

Pictures and updates

WELL, the wedding went great...sorry to just NOW be posting! The cake turned out really well (see it at www.autumnsongphotography.com)--and I learned that I (1) really respect cake people (2) will NEVER make a career out of decorating cakes and being a mommy at the same time (3) *sigh* am willing to admit that I am still--at the ripe old age of almost 30--in desperate need of my momma's help. Whew...that last one was a hard one :-) But let's just say the cake would have probably gotten done--but I would have been a basket case in the process. Can you imagine setting up the cakes--at the venue--with a nursing baby who SHOULD be sleeping but rather decides to fill up a diaper and want to nurse--all while I am covered in cream cheese icing and coconut and facing a strict deadline to be back at the church and dressed as a bridesmaid for pictures. Aye Aye Aye! Thank goodness for family (aunt Sharon--if you are reading this--I am FOREVER grateful to you for coming to Graylyn and helping).So as you can imagine--once the wedding was over, I was greeted with a nice little stomach virus which I then shared with my sweet momma! What a payment for her help, huh?

Thankfully--we are all back to normal now! And through it all and by God's grace, my girls stayed happy...healthy...and as rested as they could be. God is so good. I can't tell you how worried I was about them over the wedding weekend and with this virus. I know--I should know better than to worry, but I think that's part of my job description as a mommy!

SO some updates...

Addie Bells...

Sweet little Addie Bells. Amazing how different a second baby is. I haven't worried about schedules or nursing times or anything with her. Its been the most laid back experience of my life and WOW...she has found her own little schedule and it is both predictable and perfect! My favorite part of the schedule--her 7:30 or 8am wake up call to snuggle and be held. It happens almost without fail! She kind of cries out--I go pick her up...and she snuggles right next to my neck in the living room and dozes off for another 10-15 minutes before looking up at me and smiling the sweetest little toothless smile in the world. And guys...that girl has started cooing like a crazy woman. She "talks" almost all morning--and is starting to experiment with the

volume of her cooing--which is absolutely adorable! She has even started giggling at me. She's holding her head up like a champ, rolling over and is swatting at things--which means I now

have to put down the coffee cup when I'm nursing. Strangly, she's accomplished all this "stuff" without me "working" with her--agh how I worked and worked and worked with Layla to meet her little milestones. Thank goodness Adalei is a self-driven overachiever :-)

She loves her big sister--who probably get the award for being the recipient of most of the "giggles" and only a few of the cries. Layla likes to sneak in and take Adalei's socks off because Layla doesn't like to sleep in socks. Layla also likes to cover Adalei up but sometimes startles her by tucking her in just a little too tight.

Layla An...

She's growing up too fast...her sentences are changing...her little mind is working over time--thus the 50 BILLION questions before going to bed, ranging from "Did God make my pjs?" to "Why don't we wear shoes to bed?". All are very important questions that need thoughtful answers--believe me, I tried to make quick half-hearted answers and that didn't work.

Layla is BEGGING me to teach her to read. So, we are finishing up working our way through letter recognition and letter sounds. She's actually doing pretty good with it--given that her attention span is pretty short. She's also shown in interest in learning what time it is and what that means--so we are getting her a clock and working on telling time. AND she's got a repertoire of 4 memory verses in her little noggin--thanks to her daddy. He is the BEST at pulling out the perfect memory verses at the perfect time. My personal favorite just happens to be "Honor your father and mother" or as Layla says, "Honger your fager and muger" .

Okay...so here are some pictures of Adalei that dad sent me. He's letting me borrow his fancy smancy camera so I can get back to snapping away...so expect more (and less perfect) pictures coming your way. I've missed annoying Layla with my picture taking :-)

The Messy Chef

Okay--as promised...my update on Project Wedding cake.

My sweet and very giving mom and dad insisted on getting Layla yesterday and playing with her all day so that I could stay focused on my cakes. They must know that I (a) never--okay rarely--ask for help and (b) don't take help unless someone insists and I know they are helping because the want to help (not out of obligation). So it was perfect for mom and dad to INSIST on and be excited about playing with Layla all day yesterday.

SO I took Layla to mom and dad's yesterday morning at around 9am and Adalei and I hit the local Wal-Mart for eggs, butter, flour, sugar--all that good stuff. Adalei was such a trooper during her first Wal-Mart experience. I think she liked all the lights and color because she just looked around without a peep. So we grabbed everything from the list and off we went.

By 11:30, my first batch of layers were in the oven (and I was out the door for a run while they cooked)--the 6 inch and 10 inch and the batter and pan for the 12 inch was prepared. Lauren and Augie wanted a three tiered coconut cake for the center and two, two tiered funfetti cakes for the side. The coconut cakes really turned out great. I used a recipe from a European cake baking book that I have had for a while--so I had to convert all the European measurements to American standard measurements--FUN FUN FUN. That could have spelled disaster for me. You see, I consider myself a pretty good cook--definitely not a chef. Chefs are precise--I like to improvise. Chefs have great technique--I do not (you should see me chop an onion--its laughable). So as you can imagine--the idea of having to be both precise and use great technique had me really worried. Cakes are funny that way...a little too much of any ingredient and its a flop.

BUT---guys...I am so proud to say...all the layers turned out perfectly! And they taste amazing. My camera is broken, but I'm going to try and borrow my dad's so that I can take pictures of all the layers before I fill and ice them. I wish I would have had a camera yesterday because my clothes, my hair and my kitchen were COVERED in flour. But I'm sure it'll be much more interesting when I whip out the powdered sugar on Friday :-)

SO yay...Project Wedding cake is off to a great start. And, Layla had a great day with her Nana, poppy and Bradyn at the Children's Museum. In fact, to show you how much fun those two have together...here's a picture that dad took the other day when they had Layla and Bradyn over to play (of course Layla had to were her princess dress ups and glitter shoes for a hike in the woods...I mean really, what 3 year old girl wouldn't?). I hope they are always close--and I hope they always make each other laugh like they do.

FINALLY, pictures of Adalei are coming...I promise. I have lots of video, but because our camera is broken, I'm having to get pictures from my dad. I've ordered the batter charger for the camera and hoping it will fix the problem. We'll see! So bear with me...I hope to have some new pictures up soon.

Addie Bell to Wedding Bells

WOW how I have neglected this poor little blog. Things have been so busy around here...but nothing seems quite blog-able...or maybe I just have mommy brain right now and my focus has been shifted from "what can I blog about this week" to "how can such a little thing produce so much POOP".

So I should probably do some little updates...

Adalei (and as Neil is calling her "Addie Bell) is doing great. She's had a couple of yucky evenings where she cried pretty hard and only wanted mommy for about an hour or so. On these nights, Neil so nicely (yet timing was slightly off) reminded me that these little (BIG) cries are a blessing from God. True, for sure...but that doesn't mean they are pleasant. However, the past few nights have been a breeze...especially since I started giving her a tiny bit of acidolpilous. She's been going to sleep around 8 or 9 and sleeping like a champ. She's smiling at me now which is AMAZING--and sometimes it's coupled with a faint little giggle. The first time I got a big ol' toothless smile, my eyes filled up with tears. I love that she knows me...knows my smell, my voice, my face--and Neil swears she knows my footsteps.

She is a great little sleeper--YAY--for the most part. She falls asleep on her own and is still sleeping for 4 and 5 hour stretches at night. She generally wakes up happy and is very easy to satisfy. She makes it easy for me to think about having more babies :-)

Layla...sweet little Layla. What can I say--Neil and I have been blessed with one of the sweetest spirited girls in the world. I cannot say enough how amazing that little girl has been through such a dramatic change in her little family dynamic. And fortunately--now that all my post-pregnancy hormones have regulated and my sleep schedule has gotten better, I am FINALLY back to being the same ol' mommy that she was used to--pre pregnancy. THAT has made a world of difference...at least it seems to have.

I'm back to running regularly again. I started running again after about a week and a half--still feeling sore and tired at the end of a run. My core muscles suffered the worst from pregnancy, but they seemed to have bounced back with a little help from some exercises. I've had a couple of weeks of really enjoyable and great runs. It has been so nice to have one area where things are normal...one little constant...a time of day where I can focus, recharge and spend some time in prayer. Soon, dad and I will start our training regimen for the Marine Corps Marathon in the fall and a half marathon in the spring. I can't wait to tackle some hills and the track--I've been craving a run that leaves me completely depleted. What a great feeling! And I have a new partner (I hope)...my sweet Carmen (who just welcomed baby Noah last week) is going to train with us...YIPEE! I treasure my time with her and am SO excited that it's going to be on the increase.

Finally...WHEW...

Neil's sister is GETTING MARRIED this coming weekend! We are so excited to see the family growing and the guy that stole her heart is the sweetest and most amazing match for her. I can't wait to write a post after the wedding and include some pictures :-) Layla is going to be a flower girl--which has her VERY excited because flower girl = fancy--and you know how that girl loves being fancy. And I--yours truly--am making the wedding cake. Yup...you heard it right here folks...I am making a WEDDING CAKE. I'll update mid week with pictures and hopefully a very positive post about all my progress :-) See, I'm off to a great start...thinking positive and getting started early--like tomorrow I am making the layers.

SO I have a busy and exciting week ahead...and am thanking God for blessing us with a very easy baby and a sweet little almost three year old so that I can fulfill my promise to make the best wedding cake ever! Pictures and updates to come...PROMISE.

The Great Physician

Two weeks ago, Adalei had her first baby exam at the pediatrician's office. She was a champ--no tears even as I walked her naked little body down to be laid on those cold scales. She wasn't able to see her pediatrician that day--and I was just a little bummed. Dr. Griffith has been Layla's pediatrician since birth and I have LOVED her--BUT because babies' first appointments are kind of last minute, I guess you have to take whoever you can get. SO we saw a new doctor--who was great with Adalei--very knowledgeable and super sweet (but not Dr. Griffith).

The exam went great until he got to her hips and wiggled them around--I've always wondered what the purpose was in wiggling their hips like they did and I was soon to find out. The doctor finished the exam, picked up Adalei and handed her to me. He said everything looked perfect except for her left hip. During labor, babies release the hormone relaxin to allow for their joints to be flexible enough to adapt to the tight quarters of the birth canal. Because their joints become more flexible during birth, some babies' ball and socket joints become completely dislodged. Adalei was one of those babies. The doctor ordered an ultrasound to see how bad her hips looked so that we could determine if she'd have to wear a brace or have surgery. WHAT?!? I was in shock. The idea of this perfect little one having to endure surgery or having to wear a brace and be different than other babies sent me reeling. I just don't think a parent can ever be prepared for that kind of thing--and this was minor compared to what so many other mommies and daddies go through with their newborns.

I walked out of the room--made her two week exam appointment (with Dr. Griffith), scheduled the ultrasound for after Christmas and New Year's and grabbed my phone to call Neil. I tried to gloss over the whole hip thing--partially to protect me from hearing myself say that little Adalei may have to have surgery and partially to protect Neil from being worried. But he's a pretty sharp guy and picked up on the severity of it pretty quickly.

When I got home and took Adalei back to the bedroom to change her diaper...Neil followed with his little prayer journal that he keeps. He wrote down the date and then he wrote down "do not--DO NOT--be shocked when the doctors say Adalei's hip is healed". My first thought, "good luck with that one, buddy". So we prayed for her--and I continued to pray with every single diaper change--except probably the night ones where I'm not at 100%--when I would see her sweet little hip and remind myself to be careful with her. I have to admit though...I said more than a few prayers that were lacking in faith over the course of two weeks. Oddly enough, Neil and I had been working our way through Mark and the passage where a man brings his spirit possessed son to Jesus for healing kept ringing in my ears (Mark 9:14-30)--in particular the verse where the father says, "I do belive; help my unbelief". Never had that one verse made so much sense....it became a part of my prayers over then next few weeks--a huge part of my prayers. Neil shared the news with his bible study group--a group of guys that are a blessing to BOTH of us--and they all prayed for Adalei. That little thing was covered up in prayers, that's for sure!

SO...

Monday was her two week check up. I was dreading it. I dreaded hearing them tell me how yucky her hip was and what we'd have to do to make sure the problem was addressed. When Dr. Griffith walked in, I felt my heart beat a little faster. She examined Adalei's eyes, ears, mouth, tummy...and then started to open her diaper. I held my breath and walked across the room to look over her as she pushed on Adalei's hips. She pushed once....scrunched her face a little...and pushed again. This is the conversation that followed:

Dr. G: Interesting

Me: Yeah, the doctor she saw last time recommended an ultrasound for her hip, we just haven't had it done yet.

Dr. G: I saw that on her chart, but I just don't understand. Her hip is perfectly normal.

Me: Excuse me?

Dr. G: Her hip is normal. I don't see any reason to schedule that ultrasound. I'm not sure what happened here, but what you have here is a perfectly healthy, normal and cute as a button baby. She's going to be easy to spoil.

I laughed and agreed about the "easy to spoil" part. But I'm sure I was white as a sheet. I think if she would have touched my shoulder...I would have fallen over. I was in complete shock. When she left the room and I looked over at Adalei--kicking her feet and content as could be--my elbows hit that exam table and I wept. As I got her dressed, I couldn't help but look at her hip and be in awe that her little hip had been touched by my sweet Lord. I think her little hip will always be a reminder to me of God's mercy and faithfulness. I can hardly look at it--even days later--without feeling humbled.

So while some may give credit to coincidence--or some may think it was just a normal mistake made by a doctor--I like to think that my sweet baby was healed by the Great Physician. I really don't think there is any other explanation.

Big Sister

Sweet little Layla...boy am I having a time with her! She is absolutely perfect with Adalei--loves her so much already. Layla constantly wants to hold her and snuggle with her...constantly!

But...something is going on with my first born baby. Not only does she look like a giant now, she's different--maybe its just me, but she seems different to me. She's more independent than before--insisting on doing everything--I mean EVERYTHING--by herself. She wants to carry her own plate to the table, throw all the trash away, wrap Christmas presents, get dressed and undressed, wash her own hair...you name it--she wants to do it...ALL BY HERSELF. As you can imagine, this comes with a lot of frustration on her part. Its almost as if she's stuck between still wanting to be a baby and being a "big girl". She's been whiny with me--wanting to rock in her rocking chair, wanting to be carried around the house, sung to sleep...etc. I am trying to be extra patient, but she's wearing me down. And I think she's acting out in order to get extra attention. She's great most of the day--until it starts getting close to nap time and bed time. Its almost as if when she starts to get tired, she loses all forms of self control. So my prayer this week has been for gentleness and understanding--and sometimes by 12:45 I am just short of falling on my knees and BEGGING for divine intervention.

So while this transition has been really pretty smooth--it still pains me to see Layla struggle even just a tiny bit. I guess its natural--and normal...but I just hate to see her like this--I hate for her to think that she has to do anything more than just "be" in order to get my attention...I hate for her to think she isn't my baby anymore...I hate for her to feel like she's in second place--even for a second. Maybe I'm taking this too serious but I couldn't help but feel that rush of emotions while I was rocking her...YES...rocking her last night. She was huge and heavy in my arms and my heart broke into a billion pieces.

Okay...so maybe this is post-pregnancy hormones coming into play here...or maybe I am just terrible with change. Either way...I'm ready to adjust to this new family dynamic already! Alright, so I admit it--sounds like its probably ME not Layla that's having the hard time here, huh? Nothing like reading your own thoughts on a computer screen to make you have a nice little "ah ha" moment :-) Darn those psychology classes making me over think EVERYTHING I say and do for fear of scaring my child!

Merry Christmas guys...I can't wait to post pictures and write about our holiday with a family of FOUR!

Birth Story...Adalei Grace

As most of you probably already know, Neil and I welcomed little Adalei Grace into our family last Wednesday night. And can I just say...I LOVE LOVE LOVE having a newborn in my house. I had forgotten about all the sweet little newborn things until Adalei came---the random smiles, the cries that are so sweet--I'm even enjoying our night time feedings and the cries that wake me up. Although, this one doesn't cry much--only when she's cold (must get that from her mommy...I HATE being even slightly cold).

So the birth story...

I had written several months ago that I was going to try to go without having an epidural--not for any reason other than the health of Adalei and just to see what it felt like. As the time got closer and I had read NOTHING on natural childbirth, I started getting nervous. Let me back up...I am not one to read and study methodology--it stresses me out because I am one of those people who like to follow all the rules. So, with the birth of both Layla and Adalei, Neil and I decided it best to not do birthing classes and not read too much on the birth experience and just let instinct take over.

So we checked into the hospital at around 2:00 on Wednesday afternoon. The doctor broke my water at 3:45 and I was 6 cm dilated. By 4:45 the contractions were SO close and the pressure was INCREDIBLE. At around 5:15pm I really entertained the idea of giving up and taking my medicine :-) The doctor came back in and checked me--8cm and moving quickly. By 5:30 I was ready to push...and I think I had started hallucinating a little (strange--probably out of pain and out of hunger--I hadn't eaten anything but dry cereal all day). I only lost my temper with one

little nurse who kept asking me questions during YES DURING contractions. Neil said I was perfectly polite and graceful, but I knew the thoughts that were behind my short "yes" and "no" answers...I wanted to strangle the poor girl!

Neil did great through the whole thing. I think this showed me what a great team we make. He held my hand and was quiet most of the time--only offering encouragement just when I needed it. Amazing how he knew exactly what to do--I could not have asked for a better "wing man". He was perfectly strong and gentle at the same time. Just what I needed.

I started pushing at around 5:45 and Adalei came at 5:55--5 lbs and 15 oz--and 19 3/4 inches long. I think I pushed through 4 contractions with no tearing--YIPEE. The doctor said I was free to start running in two weeks (so if you are keeping track--that's one week from TODAY!). I'm already on the elliptical and feeling great--so fingers crossed that this is an easy transition.

So was it worth it--the whole pain thing. Absolutely. I loved the feeling of Adalei coming into this world--a feeling I didn't entirely have with Layla. It forced me to be 100% present...100% in the moment. Adalei was alert enough to nurse and nurse GREAT for the first 45 minutes of her life. I was able to hold her without her being rushed to the nursery. I also declined her Hep B shot--which I'm sure she appreciated.

Do I feel empowered? Nope..no more than I felt empowered by running hills or nursing my babies or cleaning poopy diapers...or making a dinner that Neil loved. I do feel grateful that God gave me a body that could endure childbirth easily. I feel grateful that the whole experience makes me want to have more (Neil asked in the hospital when I'd be ready for more...HA! I love that he loves babies in our house!). So grateful...not so much empowered.

I will say this to all of you who are thinking of natural childbirth--make CERTAIN you specify to the nurse that you want your delivery table set up when you get to 6cm. That was the loudest banging and clanging I have EVER heard...and not very pleasant when you are in pain.

AHH...I hear that sweet little cry in the bedroom...I think its milk time! Moo!

I'll post more later...I'm dying to get my thoughts down on sweet little Layla and how she's doing with the new baby! She's great...better than expected--mommy on the other hand...having a pretty hard time seeing my first baby looking so big...